I Died Here and Realised Life is Fleeting


Most of last week's blog posts were about health.  I've had a few near-death experiences in my life, and I guess that's why I'm obsessed with health now.  I want to prolong my life as much as possible so as to do the things I love as long as possible.

The poem refers to one of my first near-death experiences in high school, when I went into anaphylactic shock.  It was also inspired by another short poem, How admirable by Matsuo Basho:

"How admirable!
To see lightning and not think
life is fleeting."


I Died Here

I'm on my fourth cup of cranberry tea.
I looked down at the floor,
and out the window through the door,
onto the balcony.

I remember that night.
I recall that feeling when my lungs shut down on me.
I couldn't breathe and they all looked at me in a state of fright.

I was pretty sure I was going to die.
I started mumbling
thank you's, and I love you's
and please don't blame yourself,
you couldn't have known.
He just held on to me.
I died that moment in his arms.

As I drifted into a plain
that's now far beyond any of
my recollections or memory,
an angel came down
and said
"Not now, little girl,
not tonight,"

And so I rose
in a room
to a crowd full of men in white coats
asking silly questions:
"What's your name?"
"How old are you?"
I said, "My aunt's right over there,
why not ask her?"

They concluded that my brain survived,
it's alright.
Then they all huddled around me
teary eyed and blue.
"Your heart stopped, we thought we'd lost you."

That night, connected to all that machinery
I refused to sleep nor close my eyes
for fear that God may change his mind
about answering that poor angel's plea.

I never realised it then
but I felt it today.
After running around
catching the bus
making calls
having meetings
taking lunch breaks on the road
and feeling exhausted after it all
and wondering what on Earth I'd done.

I sat down to write
and so I thought
"Shit! Life is fleeting!"

...
Maja Dezulovic

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