Eloquent Ways to Say "Fuck You!"



As children we were taught not to swear. However, as we get older, “swear words” become a common way for people to express themselves. They are understood globally so you can be sure that people will understand you if you use the S, C and F words often enough to convey your message. They are effective but sometimes also reflect on the speaker’s (or writer’s) lack of a decent vocabulary and imagination.

I’m not necessarily condoning insulting people but sometimes situations lead to a moment in which you have to paint a clear picture for the other person about how you feel about them. Thought-out insults also tend to have a deeper impact on the subject because rather than using a general insult, you seem as if you’ve taken the time to actually examine their behaviour (and looks) before commenting on it.  I’ve read and heard some wonderful ways to eloquently insult people so as to appear more sophisticated, intelligent and educated so I thought I’d share some of these. Of course, it is always recommended that you use your own imagination to come up with good ways of saying things but, for humour's sake, here's how others have said it.

  1. “I desire that we be better strangers.” – As You Like It, William Shakespeare
  2. “I am not interested in emotional fuckwittage. Goodbye.” – Bridget Jones in Bridget Jones’s Diary by Helen Fielding
  3. “My dear, I don’t give a damn.” – Gone With the Wind by Margaret Mitchell
  4. “It should take you about four seconds to get from here to the door. I’ll give you two.” – Breakfast at Tiffany’s by Truman Capote
  5. “The man is as useless as nipples on a breastplate.” – A Feast for Crows by George R.R. Martin
  6. “May your genitals sprout wings and fly away.” – Small Gods by Terry Pratchett
  7. “If you will forgive me for being personal, I don’t like your face.” – Murder on the Orient Express by Agatha Christie
  8. “How art thou, thy globby bottle of cheap, stinking chip-oil?” – A Clockwork Orange by Anthony Burgess
  9. “You bloody old towser-faced boot-faced totem-pole on a crap reservation.” – Lucky Jim by Kingsley Amis
  10. “If your brains were dynamite there wouldn’t be enough to blow your hat off. – Timequake by Kurt Vonnegut
  11. "If I had a dog with a face like yours, I'd shave his ass and teach him to walk backward." – Gleaming the Cube (1989)
  12. “Why don't you do the world a favor and take your lower lip and pull it over your head and swallow?" – Grumpy Old Men (1993)
  13. "You dirt eating piece of slime, you scum-sucking pig, you son of a motherless goat!" – iThree Amigos (1986)
  14. “You're a gutless turd." – The Breakfast Club (1985)
  15. “You foul loathesome evil little cockroach!” – Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban (2004)
  16. “You sweat from a baboon's balls!" – Coming to America(1988)
  17. "You are what the French call, les incompetents." – Home Alone (1990)
  18. “A real wart... A carbuncle, a blister, a pustule of malignant ooze!" – Matilda (1996)
  19. "In the whole vast configuration of things, I'd say you're nothing but a scurvy little spider!" – It’s A Wonderful Life (1946)
  20. “You are a worthless street rat. You were born a street rat, you'll die a street rat, and only your fleas will mourn you!” – Aladdin (1992)
  21. "Your foul heart, a wart on the nose of humanity, and I'm going to blast it off.” – Nine to Five (1980)
  22. "Has anyone ever told you, you look like a penis with a little hat on?" – A League of Their Own (1992)
  23. “My great aunt Jennifer ate a whole box of candy every day of her life. She lived to be a hundred and two, and when she'd been dead three days, she looked better than you do now!” – The Man Who Came to Dinner (1942)
  24. “The day I need a friend like you, I’ll just have myself a little squat and shit one out.” – The Mist (2007)
  25. “What you just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. May God have mercy on your soul.” – Billy Madison (1995)
  26. “You know what Mom, you know what I’m going to get you next Christmas? A big wooden cross, so every time you feel unappreciated for all your sacrifices, you can climb on up and nail yourself to it.” – The Ref (1994)
  27. “You are nothing! If you were in my toilet I wouldn't bother flushing it. My bathmat means more to me than you.” – Swimming With Sharks (1994)
  28. “There’s a name for you ladies, but it isn’t used in high society… outside of a kennel.” – The Women (1939)
  29. “I misjudged you… You’re not a moron. You're only a case of arrested development.” – The Sun Also Rises, Ernest Hemingway 
  30. And another one by the master of words: “Thou art a base, proud, shallow, beggarly, three-suited, hundred-pound, filthy worsted-stocking knave; a lily-liver’d, action-taking, whoreson, glass-gazing, superserviceable, finical rogue; one-trunk-inheriting slave; one that wouldst be a bawd in way of good service, and art nothing but the composition of a knave, beggar, coward, pandar, and the son and heir of a mungril bitch.” – King Lear, William Shakespeare
  31. And finally, one of my favourite scenes, Katharine Hepburn in Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner (1967):
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Maja Dezulovic

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